Goodbye, Goodbye, 2013.

Today, I am grumpy.  Today, it is New Years Eve.  Today, I am grumpy because I haven’t yet had enough time to sit down and reflect on my past year, and dream about my aspirations for the future year.  I almost always do that in the last week or two of December, and yet now, it’s New Years Eve, and I am just now getting around to it.

And, might I mention, I am only getting around to it because I have expelled my boyfriend to the bedroom and closed the door, and his son is already at Mamaw and Papaw’s for the night.  I said, “Just give me 30 minutes, or 45, or an hour to myself,” mostly meaning, let me be alone with my thoughts for a bit so I can reflect on my own.

And, I suppose, that is a pretty good reflection of how this year has gone.  It has been BUSY.  So busy I’ve hardly had time to think.  In this year, I started a new job in August, we bought a house in October, moved in in November, and had our first Christmas here.  We went on our first float trip over Labor Day weekend.  We saw two lovely friends who now live in Seattle get married in Duluth, Minnesota in October, and we went on a four day mini-vacation to Eureka Springs.  We had K for six weeks out of the summer; I worked two jobs before I attained my current position, and we made it through the Royals season.

To be honest, so much has happened in just the past 5 months, that it is hard for me to remember what happened from January through August of this year.

And that’s been the nature of this year.  Busy busy busy.  And now a new year is rolling in, and I am stuck wondering, will I always be this stretched for time?  Being able to sit and think and reflect is how I cope.  It’s how I deal with the daily stresses of life, and I really need to do this more often.  I think we just clearly made resolution number one.

This year, 2014, is going to be a good one.  I can feel it.  I am going to turn 27, which I have always had a good feeling about 27.  I don’t really know why, I just think it will be a good year.

On January 10th, I start my official 200 hour RYT training.  Words cannot describe how excited I am about the opportunity to pursue this dream.  I have been pining for this training for nearly three years now, but finances and time constraints have taken their toll, and I’ve finally had enough.  I am finally going for it, and I could not be more excited.  It will be an adventure of self-discovery, of testing my boundaries and my limitations, of testing my strengths and my weaknesses and my perseverance.  I feel so incredibly lucky to have the opportunity to attend a training, afford it, and continue on in my knowledge.

I was devastated earlier in the year, when the previous training I planned to attend was cancelled and delayed a year.  Tears come to my eyes when I think about how thankful I am to have found yoga, to have found my spirituality, to have, really, found God again.  This is the amount of joy it brings me.

I don’t know what else 2014 has in store for me.  I know some things that I would like, and I know some things I will try to accomplish.  But, I am only human, and I can only do what I can do.

So, like all humans, I am making a list of resolutions.  But, I don’t want them to be resolutions that will be forgotten or based on vain ideas of beauty or selfish ways of looking at the world.  The resolutions that you keep are the resolutions that are close to your heart. Therefore, this year I resolve to:

  • Set aside time for me.  You might not know it by chatting with me, but I’m a fairly introverted person.  I gain my energy and my excitement from being alone – other people drain me.  Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE other people, and I couldn’t live without regular social interaction.  But being alone with my thoughts is what makes me me.  Therefore, I resolve to set aside more time for self reflection and introspection.
  • Have a more dedicated yoga practice.  The yoga training that I am taking requires a journal of daily yoga practice.  I am pretty good at practicing now, but I would really like to dedicate myself to practicing at least 45 minutes to an hour of yoga, five times per week.
  • Live and work and play more mindfully.  I think everyone knows, intrinsically, what is healthy and what is not; what is good and what is not; what is moral and what is not.  Some things have gray edges, but our instincts guide us towards what the right decision for our lives and our values.  Therefore, I resolve – not to eat healthier or live by a strict moral code – but to live more mindfully, in every aspect of my life.  I resolve to be more mindful of the food that I eat, of the interactions that I have with coworkers, of how I speak of people when they are not present, of how I interact with the people who are nearest and dearest to my heart.

Those are my real resolutions – the things I think would be most beneficial for me to accomplish this year.  So, here’s to 2014, of being able to remember what happened in January through August, and of being more reflective on a regular basis – instead of just once per year.  Happy New Year to all.

Categories archive, Blog, Uncategorized

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