I keep feeling like my world is spinning out of control. It feels like everything is moving so fast; everything is happening now, and I’m not ready I’m not ready I’m not ready. This year flew by. Yoga teacher training will be done at the end of this weekend. My painting class will be done tonight. I finished Reiki I and I’m moving to Reiki II. Workshop ideas, presentations, business plans, yoga studio backyard building, additional training, learning learning learning, BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS, money money money, no time no time no time.
So I keep thinking it’s all spinning by so fast, but it’s not. Everything is as it should be. This is my time. The only thing that is spinning out of control is my brain, and I’ve noticed that my meditation practice has slipped with this increase in “stuff” and “events” in my life.
Nothing has to happen until I want it to happen. I keep instigating, I keep reaching out, I keep searching, and so it feels busy and intense. What I should be doing is meditating. Waiting. Listening. My intuition is underneath all of this “busy-ness,” and underneath all of this reaching and yearning and desiring is the path I’ll follow anyway. I can push and fight and claw my way through brush to find my path, or I sit and wait until nature clears it for me.
I do this all the time, so you think by now I’d learn – that I have the answers, that they’re underneath, that I don’t need to try so damn hard. It will come. I believe.
Even now as I say this, I have shreds of doubt. That I need to fight, and push, and achieve. But I know this is my ego talking. This is my conditioning. This is what I’m fighting through to get to the other side.
So, this is my new mantra for the upcoming days and weeks. It will come. I believe. It will come. I believe. It will come. I believe.
Love to you all in this busy holiday season.