I am exhausted.
This entire year has been busy. So so busy. Working, yoga teacher training, traveling, getting married, getting adopted (K), celebrating birthdays, teaching yoga. Now that some big things are done: yoga teacher training, the marriage, the birthdays – and that the holidays are almost here – I am desperately looking for reprieve from the busy-ness.
I am so tired I can’t wake up to do yoga. I very much do not like this.
But my new year’s schedule is already filling up. Additional trainings, teaching workshops and groups, building my yoga studio, increasing my yoga teaching schedule. I am so excited about all of these things, but I am wiped.
When I talk about looking for a break – just a week or two with nothing planned – they tell me good luck. That this is life, you see. You’ll never get a break. It always keeps going, it’s always busy, it never stops.
Maybe that’s true for some people. Recently it has been true for me – but I cannot live this way. I cannot live being so exhausted that I can’t wake up to practice yoga – my favorite thing in the world. And I’m not willing to sacrifice my priorities – yoga, family and friends, Amy time – for “conventional” ways of life. Let me live in an ashram, I don’t care. I don’t need much. I need Keith. I need my animals. I need a creative outlet. I need my friends. I need a simple diet.
But I’m in this strange place of transition, from this very conventional life to a not-so-conventional life. And I’m holding on a bit, for emotional reasons as well as practical ones. I know eventually I will fully transition and make this change, but I’m not ready yet. I’m prepared to be exhausted in the meantime. I’m prepared to skip a lot of yoga classes. I’m prepared to sacrifice myself for a bit to make the transition smoother in the future. I’m prepared to eat a shit-ton of pre-packaged foods.
But I’m so looking forward to the future, when this is not the every day. I don’t know when that is, but I’ll know when it’s time.