So So Tired

I am exhausted.

This entire year has been busy.  So so busy.  Working, yoga teacher training, traveling, getting married, getting adopted (K), celebrating birthdays, teaching yoga.  Now that some big things are done:  yoga teacher training, the marriage, the birthdays – and that the holidays are almost here – I am desperately looking for reprieve from the busy-ness.

I am so tired I can’t wake up to do yoga.  I very much do not like this.

But my new year’s schedule is already filling up.  Additional trainings, teaching workshops and groups, building my yoga studio, increasing my yoga teaching schedule.  I am so excited about all of these things, but I am wiped.

When I talk about looking for a break – just a week or two with nothing planned – they tell me good luck.  That this is life, you see.  You’ll never get a break.  It always keeps going, it’s always busy, it never stops.

Maybe that’s true for some people.  Recently it has been true for me – but I cannot live this way.  I cannot live being so exhausted that I can’t wake up to practice yoga – my favorite thing in the world.  And I’m not willing to sacrifice my priorities – yoga, family and friends, Amy time – for “conventional” ways of life.  Let me live in an ashram, I don’t care.  I don’t need much.  I need Keith.  I need my animals.  I need a creative outlet.  I need my friends.  I need a simple diet.

But I’m in this strange place of transition, from this very conventional life to a not-so-conventional life. And I’m holding on a bit, for emotional reasons as well as practical ones.  I know eventually I will fully transition and make this change, but I’m not ready yet.  I’m prepared to be exhausted in the meantime.  I’m prepared to skip a lot of yoga classes.  I’m prepared to sacrifice myself for a bit to make the transition smoother in the future.  I’m prepared to eat a shit-ton of pre-packaged foods.

But I’m so looking forward to the future, when this is not the every day.  I don’t know when that is, but I’ll know when it’s time.

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2 thoughts on “So So Tired

  1. You are gifted. I’m excited to watch you transition and grow into a new part of your life.

    1. You are so sweet my friend. I so value our friendship and dream discussions!

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