At the end of each year, I write a blog reflecting on the transformations and life shaping events that happened this year. Winter sends out that delicious invitation for self-reflection, and what better time to do it than the end of a large marker in time?
(I could insert here the very philosophical discussion on the existence of time I had with my 8-year-old bonus son, but I will exclude that for the sake of brevity.)
The other day, as I sometimes do, I read the blog of my old high school friend. She’s a beautiful writer, and she writes about many things, but her most recent post really inspired me. In it, she talked about transformation; the transformation of her blog, the transformation of her life, and the documentation of it she has provided. She has kept the blog for five years, and in that time period, I have been able to witness (via her writings) her evolution into a truly beautiful soul. That’s some perseverance.
And, in reflecting on this new year, it’s one I wish I had. After learning how much of a perfectionist I am, I have realized how much this has seeped into my life and daily decisions. Always wanting to provide the final product, and not highlight the journey of past potentially embarrassing experiences, I have shifted blogs and journals and even social media sites to “clean out,” to “start fresh,” and to forget my past embarrassing experiences. I had evolved past what I was trying to accomplish, and, not wanting to be judged by former beliefs, I moved locations.
Which means I have had about 6 different blogs in my time, and countless personal journals. It means I have two facebook accounts – the one I had, and the one I use now. It means I have four personal email addresses.
I feel a bit sad when I want to look back at old writings, because first I have to locate where I’ve written them, and then sift through the writings to find the one I’m looking for. It’s not the most efficient system.
So Kate’s post really hit home with me. And, I realized, I’ve been on this blog fairly frequently, for a bit over a year now. That’s quite a hefty commitment coming from me. And, while I plan on continuing my personal and professional evolution, I am going to take some notes from my dear friend, and not discard the steps that got me to where I am.
Which brings me into a perfect segue to dive into my year: it has been about evolution. Everything I have ever been and everything I am now is all molding into one, more advanced, more evolutionary conscious being. I am amazed at how things from my past are popping up in new ways; things I thought had died, but are resurfacing in bold, beautiful, surprising ways.
Like, for instance, the fact that I recently started painting again.
I nearly destroyed all of my painting supplies. Following art school graduation, I gave away nearly every painting, drawing, and art piece I created. After a really difficult time in school, I was determined that I would never paint again. It had lost its luster.
Yet now, five years down the road, I am finding all I want to do is paint. I am finding it therapeutic and wonderful and probably part of my upcoming work. My past and my present is all molding together to create a stunning future, but I’m trying to stay present and in the now. Like I’ve begun to paint, I will let my life unfold as it would like. I will take action and allow the universe and my intuition to guide me.
I could go on about my evolution over this year, but I believe I’ll save that for another post. For now, I’ll be planting my roots and going wherever the wind may take me.
**Note: when I initially wrote the title of this post, I accidentally wrote “Following the Wine.” This could also be an accurate title and description of my life. 🙂