Well, it’s here. I knew it would happen. I am a full month away from having left my full-time job to pursue teaching yoga full time, and I am feeling the self-doubt these days.
I knew it would happen. I am prepared, mentally. Before having left my job, I remember telling those around me that I forsee this year as being emotionally difficult, full of questioning, frustration, and deep doubt in myself. And while the first few weeks were incredibly freeing, and optimistic, and full of potential, I have hit my wall and now I’m sinking.
The good thing is, I came here prepared. I foresaw this coming, and I have logical answers for all of my emotional conundrums. I have support. My husband gets it; I’ve prepared him as well, and he’s a great reminder for me of my sanity in these times of emotional distress. But even though the logic is still there to hold me up, I still have to pass through the emotions.
And I’m definitely not at rock bottom. I think my emotions will be variable; I am fairly susceptible to feedback, and I embrace the positive along with the negative. I have had many successes the past month, and a few bumps along the road, too. (Funny how those always seem to hit a bit harder.) I am not at my best, but I am definitely not at my worst.
Either way, I’m embracing this entire time as a journey on my path. I know this time, though emotionally distressful, will shoot me out the other side as stronger, more impervious to challenges, more rooted in myself. I will grow as a teacher, I will grow in my practice, and I will discover the kind of leader I am meant to be. I know that I will always have challenges, and I will always have doubts, so this part of my path will be a great preparation as I continue to grow.
All in good time. Namaste, my friends.