I am

It seems to me
that I may struggle
with some sort of personality condition
I ignite
I create
I put forth
I expand willingly
and I share
I share it all
Some strange compulsion in me
says to
share it all
to be open
to not hold back.

Yet I debate
almost daily
on whether to continue what I’ve started.

It feels so strange
to have those I hardly know
know personal details about me.
To find me fascinating,
to know my experiences
my past
my history
as if I was still that person.

Every second I renew.
Every moment I am different.
To record a moment in time
gives a false impression of who I am
so that you construe
that I am one way
when really
I am no ways.

I cannot be defined.

I am
I am
no one
I am everything
I am every one.

I am in the trees
each blade of grass
the wind that blows your hair
that is actually my hair
and your neighbor’s hair
because what you forget when
you think you know who I am
is that we are not separate.
We are one

I am the deep stillness you experience
when you find a moment of peace
I am the deep sorrow you feel
when you lose a close friend
I am the joy that fills each breath
when you find your connection
I connect you
I embrace you
I am you.

So to think
that you know who I am
you can never know who I am
not even I know who I am

I am boundless
I am expansive
I am all the thoughts you have ever had
and none of them

And even as I write this
this sounds like just a stupid poem
some ridiculous made up bullshit
that I would never believe.

How can you be so ridiculous
and unconnected to reality
this poem is bullshit
says the ego
says the mind
says the constant stream of thoughts
which is a part of me
but does not define me.

When I die
I want my memories to go with my body.
I want to disappear along with my bones
I want to be forgotten

I want to make waves
I want to change hearts
I want to instill greatness
and I don’t give a shit about money
or accolades
or fame

I want to sink into the abyss
because that is what I am
that is where I came from
and not in a depressing, boring way
in a freeing way
in that
this does not define me.
In the way that
I am nothing
I am everything.

If you think you know who I am
then I ask you to look again
to know me
is to know yourself
to know me
is to know God
to know me
is to understand the Universe.

And in my human body
I cannot possibly comprehend
and you cannot possibly comprehend
the expansiveness of it all
the totality of the meaning
the endlessness of our breath
the connectedness that we have.

I am
I am

Define me and I will elude you
try and know me and I will trick you
follow me and I will not lead
Just be
Just experience
Just live.

I am.

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