A Pitta’s Guide to Cooking (on a budget)

Let’s get the necessary’s out of the way: I am not an ayurvedic expert, nor a chef, nor super fantastic at managing our budget (but I am getting there, inch by inch). Now let’s get down to the good stuff.

A Pitta’s Guide to Cooking (on a budget)

Hi. My name is Amy. I’m a human, and I’m a pitta, and I fucking hate cooking.

My mind is creative and vata, so I don’t think ahead to cook. I live in the moment. If painting seems good in the moment, I will paint. How can I be expected to think ahead and actually plan to make a meal for when I am hungry? I can’t.

Yet physically I am pitta. I am firey and build muscle easily. I’m prone to bacterial infections and acne and my skin has red red red undertones. You know what else this means? It means that when I’m hungry, I am HANGRY.

This presents a very large problem, being mentally vata and physically pitta. Because this is what happens: I am happily cruising in my own little world, making a painting. Oh, life is so joyous. Oh, life is so sweet. Oh, this color would look nice and —–  OH MY GOD I’M HUNGRY AND IF I DON’T EAT NOW I WILL RIP THIS PAINTING IN HALF. I CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO CLEAN THESE BRUSHES OR PUT THINGS AWAY BECAUSE FOOD.MUST.HAPPEN.NOW.

Once the beast is fed, I am happily back to my art.

This presents a problem, particularly when you’re on a budget. It’s not economically feasible to order out every time the beast is hungry. Nor will I have the smarts to think an hour or two into the future to prepare food for that time. And so, here is my guide, should you suffer from similar instances, to help you through these times.

Step 1. Eat some damn food already.

Don’t trick yourself into thinking you can wait an hour for food if you begin cooking the moment you’re hungry. You will be angry. You will hate cooking even more than you already do, what with it’s long waits and “chopping vegetables.” Then you have to do dishes? No, thanks.

Find what’s in your fridge and eat it. I’ve been known to make a meal out of a half a jar of salsa and cottage cheese. Because, you know, when you’re that hungry – you’ll eat fucking anything. And so do it. Fast. No need to be angry.

Step 2. Have a glass of wine.

Of course, this isn’t good for your Pitta constitution. Alcohol heats up your body, and us pitta’s need to cool down. (Note: the cottage cheese and salsa isn’t the best choice, either – but when you’re that hungry, proximity rules over health.) The thing that wine does is that it relaxes you. And we know we need a little more relaxing in life.

Now, obviously, you could do the “yogic,” good thing and meditate. Or do yoga. But you don’t have a lot of time, and us pitta’s like to be productive and get shit done. You can drink wine while you’re on your next step.

(You can also smoke weed, I suppose – I hear it relaxes you, but since I don’t smoke I’ll leave that to you experts out there.)

Step 3. Scour your cabinets.

This is where it gets good, my penny pinching pittas. This is where you save the bucks.

Take your wine, and while you sip it do an inventory of your cabinets and fridge. That potato that is almost moldy? Grab it. The last egg in the carton that’s been pushed to the back of the fridge? Grab that too. That bag of bulgur you bought a year ago because you thought it looked interesting but never actually used it? Yep, grab it.

Find all the things that are about to go bad or are just a little stale, or things you’ve not quite used up. Put them on the counter and stare at them.

Step 4. Manifest a meal.

You’ve already eaten, so you’re not hangry. And by now you’re starting to get a bit relaxed from your wine. Now use your vata mentality to imagine what sort of meal you can create with your random ingredients.

Could it be one large pot of soup? Perhaps some stir-fried rice that’s leftover in your fridge – toss that egg and potato in there and you’re in business. How about some roasted casserole? Make the bulgur and the potatoes and shove it in the oven, and sprinkle it with some tumeric because I heard once that it’s really good for pittas.

Once you’ve used your vata imagination, make that shit! Taste test all you want without fear of burning your tongue on soup that’s too hot because you’re so hungry you can’t wait for it to cool.

Step 5. Put that shit in the fridge. Wash the damn dishes.

Congratulations. You now have a meal for your next pitta outburst. Don’t bother eating it, though; put it in the fridge so the next time the beast rears its head, you’re prepared.

The best part? Even if it tastes horrible, you’ll be so hungry you won’t care.


There you have it, friends. How much money did you spend going to to the store and buying expensive and hard to find ingredients? ZERO DOLLARS. How much anxiety did you have about not finding the nutritional yeast that’s nowhere in your small town grocery store, but the recipe author swears by how much better it makes the meal? NONE. How prepared are you to weather your next angry outburst? ALL THE PREPARATIONS.

Congratulations and you’re welcome. Have a safe, happy, healthy, penny pinching Christmas, my little pittas.


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