It’s February 6th.
This means I have three days left in my Durga sadhana.
What the heck is a Durga sadhana? Read this post so you can get caught up.
Anyway, it’s almost over and I’m having mixed emotions. On the one hand I’m glad it’s almost over. Just like everything else, you need to have an appropriate balance of emotions – and Durga stands for strength, courage, and authenticity. So when you have a little too much, or she’s overactive, and you don’t remember that whole calm goddess side of Durga – well, you can get a little self-righteous, a little indignant, and a whole lotta impatient with people who you think aren’t quite living up to their potential.
So most people tend to identify with one of the goddess archetypes: either nurturing or transformational. Can you guess which one I identify with more strongly?
Needless to say, I may have over-Durga’d myself into a huge quarrel with my husband. (Also, quarrel is an old person’s word – it seems fitting as I will be 30 this May. Perhaps I should also change my name to Ethel…?) Anyway, all is fine now, but my Durga impatience with anyone who doesn’t take a strong and active interest in moving forward was on point.
So, for those reasons, I will be glad to see my Durga sadhana end – and I may move immediately into a Lakshmi sadhana, because the whole “nurturing” quality is one I need to work on cultivating more actively. (Lakshmi is the goddess of comfort and abundance – not exactly my strong suit.)
However, I’m also very sad to see Durga go. She’s sort of like my spirit animal. I love her. I want to be her. I feel her in me and quite frankly I don’t know that I can jump off this cliff and get through all of my own roadblocks this year without her.
Like I wrote to you last week, I’d really like to be a writer – but, to be a writer, you actually have to, like, write. Duh. So as a recommendation from Beryl, I’ve been telling myself at the end of my sadhana daily: “I am a writer.” So that maybe I might trick myself into believing it and actually writing a goddamn book.
It also reminds me of a quote from Picasso or da Vinci or some renaissance insanely smart man: “Inspiration will come, but it has to find you working.”
Bah humbug. I guess it’s back to writing I go.