You apologize for your attire. You apologize for arriving too early. You apologize for eating too much, or too little. You apologize for your wild and fun dance moves. You apologize for your existence.
No more, my friends, no more.
There are times that you should apologize, of course. Apologizing is a great and beautiful thing. Yet, these times should be reserved for when you actually have something to apologize for.
What is something to apologize for, vs. something to not apologize for?
Things to apologize for:
- acting in a way that is not in alignment with your value system (hello, Ego)
…that’s pretty much it.
There is a list of other things I can think of, of course, but honestly it will depend on the person. Things that I would apologize for, because of my value system:
- not keeping my word
- violating someone else’s boundaries
- not holding up my end of the bargain
- arriving late
- hurting someone else
There’s probably others. But there’s a whole host of things I apologize for that, quite frankly, I should NOT be apologizing for, such as:
- not being able to read someone else’s mind and act according to their desires that they do not communicate
- arriving somewhere at my regular time and accidentally disrupting another event
- dressing in any particular way, whether too fancy or too relaxed
- talking a lot (holla Gemini – it’s my job, basically, as a human)
- overanalyzing (again, Gemini)
- asking for help
- establishing a boundary
- having faults (we’re all human)
- not being ________________ enough (fast, thin, strong, intelligent, educated…)
There’s more, too, I’m sure.
This idea came to me because, the other day, as I was preparing to meet a friend for drinks, I nearly texted him to pre-apologize for my outfit: a fancy ass dress, heels, and retro-vixen hair. Who the hell needs to apologize for their fancy ass outfit? Answer: no one.
I have watched myself in the week that follows and noted how many times I apologize unnecessarily for things. It’s quite ridiculous.
So, let’s save our apologizes for when we mean it, yes? And recognize that, no, we are not perfect, and we’ll unintentionally upset people, but as long as we are acting in alignment with our values and respecting other people, that we are doing pretty damn good.
Your directive for the next week: notice where you apologize for damn near anything. Then – ask yourself – does this really deserve an apology? Or am I apologizing more for the inconvenience of me existing? Am I apologizing that other people have to handle my humanness, more than I am apologizing for a behavior that I should actually be sorry for?
And then – love your humanness. It’s sexy. It’s delightful. It’s flawed and fabulous.
(and, obviously, tell me all about what you find. Comment here or use #bewildandunabashed to connect in the instagram world, or join our private facebook love group here.)